Rant and ROAR!!

I refuse, absolutely 100% refuse to let anyone make me feel bad about myself any longer. Not on my watch. See, here's my problem: I'm a sweet person. Countless people who've known me have paid me this so called compliment but here's the warning I have to issue:

yes, I am sweet. I am loving and I value love above all things. I will go to great lengths to nuture and bring peace to the people I love. I will profess my love and wear my heart on my sleeve. I will hug and kiss my friends and loved ones and give them an open ear and all the understanding I have. I work hard, very hard, to be a good person and be open to others points of view...BUT do not think for one minute that if you take my sweetness for granted or put me down or treat me as an underling or carelessy that I will stand idly by.

I can be overly giving of myself, I get it from my mother, but I also have some of my father in me. I have a stubborn need to feel appreciated and respected. I have degraded myself in the past but surviving those experiences has only served to make me stronger and more uncompromising in my need for reciprocity or at the very least tolerance. It bothers me that I sometimes allow people to make me feel bad when deep down, despite my many imperfections, I know I am a good soul. And I know the souls of my loved ones are good too. That's why I know that this is my job more than anyone elses. It's my job to remember not to try to live up to anyones expectations of me but my own. I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. And in a weird way that means embracing my limitations as I try to work through them and continue towards my own betterment. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to be forgiving of others and myself.

I am a complex and contradictory person in many ways and i know i am far from perfect. Sweet people can get trampled. Despite that I'm gonna stay sweet and I refuse to let anything turn me into a bitch on wheels BUT for my own protection I will need to stuff flowers in my ears against the criticisms others have of me. Those who might, even if it's without malice, inadvertently make me doubt myself. Love you all but (covering ears) la la la la la la la!

With love,

C