Can't a bitch be real?

I find it very distrubing that so many unessesary taboos continue to exsist in our phony baloney society. Chief amongst them is this idea of confidence!

I can't tell you how many times I've been told I need to be more "confident". Its very frustrating because its actually a confidence KILLER when its used in the wrong way. See, its one thing to encourage someone and say: "you have so many amazing gifts. Why aren't you confident about them? You should be!" Its quite another when someone says: you are so insecure. You are such a mess. You need to have more confidence and stop depending on outside sources for it. Bla Bla Bla... That's as helpful as telling a person who's suffocating that they need more air. It's not helpful and it's not even that well meaning. That's just a person who doesn't want to deal with you. Make no mistake. Bring the air or some light or step aside!
See, confidence is a delicate thing. I think it's arrogant and hypocritical to require it of someone outside yourself. None of us have perfect confidence. We ALL have our insecurities! All of us. You'd have to be a complete sociopath not to. So to me this second way is actually just a way to put someone down and make them feel inadequate and as if they, warts and all, are not enough and MUST project this "air" of confidence in order to be validated or make others feel comfortable. Its complete crap! It's a formality and a lie.

I say have real confidence in yourself by feeling good about who you are despite your struggles with staying confident. Do not let anyone make you feel as though you NEED confidence for THEM. Have it for yourself. Be open and honest about your struggles with it. Be a patient and compassionate friend to your fellow humans who struggle with it around you.

Confidence, much like "Cool" can be a real hoax. A lot of people who appear perfectly confident are actually living in a private world where they've trapped their insecurities and the walls are built HIGH! Appearing confident or cool usually means appearing unshakable. But we all have our own frailty. True strength ,to me, lies in aknowledging insecurities, trying to let go of them or understand them and forgiving yourself and showing yourself kindness when they rear their ugly heads. Ya see I have always been very hard on myself. And sometimes I think I need to be but other times I think I do it out of a fear that I will never measure up. I'm truly handing over control and personal power when I do that. I'm handing myself my own walking papers. That's striving for the sake of acceptance instead of for the sake of betterment. That's what I really want to be! Better! I want to be a better friend. A better lover. A better human being. Better at living life. So I say, lets scrap our attempts to appear confident and lets just be better. Fear is a terrible motivator because you almost always end up right back where you started. It's so cliche, but lets just be our best. And with that ill bet you will feel a sense of pride, a sense of integrity and True Confidence. I know i do.

Big Kiss!

C