Total Eclipse of the Heart: The Valentines Day Hateration.

Let me start this off by saying that my favorite holiday is Halloween! I loooove it! I love to dress up and get spooky. I have not spent one halloween uncostumed since as far back as I can remember. Sometimes I'll even have two or three costumes for different locations. Sick but such is the product of an overly imaginative childhood. Sometimes it was an escape and sometimes it was entertainment but my version of life had always been and continues to be pretty romantic and unrealistic. I grew up watching old hollywood movies and my wonderfully unique (and completely insane) parents construct dream after dream after hairbrained scheme. They were like the wizard and the good witch from oz! Everything was possible in their minds.

Digression City, but I think this might be a good explaination as to why I love holidays so much! I really do. I love that each has its own color scheme. I love that they change the cereal boxes and coca cola cans to coorespond. Franken Berry and Christmas Crunch rock my world! Pumpkin pie and lattes! Hip hip...hooray! I love a green beer! Barbecues on 4th of July and don't even get me started on cadbury creme eggs! Then there's the sweetheart candies. They say more to you than rice crispies do! And heartshaped boxes full of heartshaped chocolates! Valentines day. Its one week away!

Through my adult life I have never experienced people directing quite as much disdain and disgust towards an occasion than I have towards valentines day. People get all up in arms! Its always perplexed me.

Around Valentines day many of my single friends will start bitching about the day or speaking of how much they hate the day and being alone on it. My coupled ones get all amped about what they are doing or they completely lose it over the pressure to having a nice time. If I have a boyfriend he's inevitably compeletly grossed out by this "made up" holiday full of "hallmark" opportunities.

The thing is: they are all made up, really! They are ALL commercialized and over-blown by modern day society. Doesn't matter if they were founded centuries ago or decades ago. All holidays, just like every other human celebration/experience are marketed and wrapped in a big bow of credit card debt. And YES I have been that depressed girl who's watching the other girls get flowers or watching the only girl who had boobs in the 4th grade get a huge box of chocolates while I got next to nada! But my thought is: so what? I've spent just as many christmases with my dad throwing our tree out the window or thanksgivings working the late shift at the Senior Swankys! That's life. Its not always good or fun no matter what occasions are approaching. Birthdays are often a shitshow! Sometimes its up to us to embrace it or at least not make ourselves way more miserable by becoming cynical, counterculturally obsessed snobs.

Valentines day doesn't have to mean a gross necklace from Zales and a toast over white zinfendel. It can mean whatever we want. It can mean the large wooden heart that my dad carved and constructed for my mother as I watched in delight. It can mean a declaration of love or a night of of board games! It can be a hotdog after hot yoga. It can be a large group of friends getting togther and having fun!


My best valentines to date is still the one I spent with my good friend Allison. I think it was 2001. She took me to a hotel for breakfast. It was elegant. Then I took her to Hooters for a few pitchers of beer! She gave me the best card, one that was intended for a man to give to his wife. It had the headline: For The Women Who Changed My Life. Hell, that xmas we even did it up and had a very merry UN-xmas. We decorated our tree with ghouls and tampons and played tequilla twister on xmas eve. The point is that we made it fun. Instead of being mopey or non-celebratory or putting it down we decided not to let Hallmark or the haters get to us and we took it and made it our own. Even cynicsm is fun so long as its tounge in cheek. So let's stop taking ourselves so seriously. Let's approach this shit with love or at least good humor! No expectations, just an all out attack of kindness and festivity! That's all I ask. So I say to all: try to have a happy valentines day this year! No matter what that means! xxx