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Saturday night my man and I went to The Slipper Room to see some titties and drink whiskey! A friend of mine who bartends there had invited us out the week prior but one of us was tired (me) and one of us was recently tattooed (him) so we postponed it a week. I'm so glad we went and can't thank my friend enough because it was a night to remember!
Strip tease and burlesque has become a bit of a thing for us lately. After seeing the amazing Pontani Sisters (google em and ogle em! They are amazing) at The Belle House we both noted a respect for the art form and it's wholesome yet open approach towards sexuality and dance. It's so refreshing when you can watch a girl sniff her panties and wink at you without imagining her doing cocaine and running a razor blade across her wrist after the show. Instead you imagine her going out for cupcakes and watching The Muppet Show in crotcheless lingerie. Her only daddy issues are that he told her she was pretty so often that her overwhelming ego can hardly be satified.
In the city that never sleeps going to rock shows or comedy shows alone can start to lose it's luster. The Pontani Sisters isn't quite what you get when you go to The Slipper Room on a saturday night though. When you go to the slipper room what you get is R-A-W! It's just as memsmerizing in a way that's entirely its own.
Joel and I arrived not sure what to expect. We entered a red room with dim lighting and were charged only measly 5 dollar cover charge! A real steal! My friend promptly poored some shots down our throats, a drink each and guided us to an area where we could see the specktacle un-obstructed.
There on the stage was Pan, in his goat-hooved glory! He was played by a man so awkward and pale that you couldn't look away. He made me feel so delightfully uncomfortable. Like when you know a bum is staring at you on the subway or when you see someone you used to know at a club or event and neither of you aknowledge eachother but both know and glance over here and there. Its as exhilirating as it is uncomfortable. I was loving it!
Pan had big teeth that made him talk with a bit of an odd lisp. He had a white wig on with a wreath around it, and a pointy piece of fur sticking out from his crotch. It would flop up and down when he danced! After a few crowd alienating jokes he introduced the first act. A red head with very white skin was seated on a chair and proceeded to bump and grind her clothes off piece by piece. She was not much of a dancer but her costume was amazing. A big black buzzled skirt with a high collared shirt. She actually got so caught up in her act that she forgot to take her clothes off and reveal her pasties! Pan pointed this out and she promptly came to the stage and pulled her top off, then awky Pan helped her off with each pasty, revealing two nipple ringed bare breasts.
Several similar acts followed! It was lovely and amazing. Then came the beautiful finale to Pan's portion of the show!
Heavy rock music full of curse words blarred as SHE entered! She hunkered around bowl legged, ungracefully ripping off her bra to reveal pasties then ripping those off like an animal to reveal her breasts. She then pulled down her shorts to reveal a tiny and pinkish-orange tinted penis and balls. She looked at us like we were uptight little prudes about to have our hymen-like eyelids torn off! She jumped into the audence and rubbed her bare naked body all over 3 business men in the front, two bridge and tunnel looking girls and a lesbian couple who seemed to be loving friends of the show! She lept back on stage and ripped off her wig with a big ape smile! Behind her was a table with two large pizzas on it. She grabbed a slice, put a hole through it and wrapped it around her penis. She then took duck tape and taped slices to each bicep, each leg and then her ass. Then, to make sure that no one left with any indication that she gave a shit what they thought, she squeezed dark chocolate on a few remaining slices of pizza, grabbed one, took a big bite and starting cackling "Ha! Ha! It's shit! I'm eating shit!" The curtain closed!
My stomach was turning for sure but it was beautiful nausea all the same! Amazing! Barbaric! Brave! Hilarious!
During the intermission at The Slipper Room they have a go go dancer come out and dance her socks off while we wait for the next show. So out came this cute tiny little gal in a red curly wig. She was holding up two slices of the pizza from the last act. She probably thought this would be funny and a little gross too. She held the disgusting and lopsided things enticingly as if to prompt someone from the audience to take one. Haha! Then I watched in a mixture of horror and glee as a drunken Joel headed for the stage, took a huge bite out of one of the slices and then grabbed it and took it back to his seat with him! Then he proceeded to finish it off as myself and the dancer, who was clearly taken aback as well, looked on! THIS action, in its disgustingness and shamelessness reminded me so much of my father that a flashback of the flushed feeling I would get as a child came creeping up inside of me. My dad aka "the little devil!" My dad also has an ability to eat anything no matter how disgusting but that's a story for a future blog.
This is so unlike my joelmite! Was this the same guy who had gotten grossed out the night before when I used a chopstick to stir my tea, then dipped it in a tupperware dish full of dishwater and coffee grounds and nearly just put it away until I realized what I was doing? This guy here? The guy eating a slice of cold pizza that may or may not have been rubbed on someones body during a (deliciously) vulgar striptease? Uh, I think so!
After years of making a concious effort to avoid dating or acting at all like my parents I am now realizing that try as I might, I will always draw at least somewhat like-minded and equally certifiable souls to my side. I guess that's why we click so well.
Anyway, I watched as the lovely petite girl danced! She had such amazing breasts! They looked real. They were so bizarrely full and round as were her hips and her tiny and short but shapely little legs. She was hourglassed and womanly but also very toned. I had such a crush on her soft sweet girly cuteness. The next showing delivered more dancing talent than the last and some amazing performances involving manhattan, coney island and my personal favorite, which involved a tiger skin rug that gets humped and embraced with such elegance and grace that I think Pizza Dick and Tiger Lick should put together a good cop and bad cop routine!
It was a great night. I can't recommend it enough! Just make sure that you don't wear your sunday best! Joel's coat came home with some questionable gunk on it and I'm sure some other peeps returned with their own pizza and/or mystery stains of their own! Well worth it though!!!
P.S: I wish I could remember the performers names! I'm so sorry I can't! I will edit this blog in the future if I am able to get them.
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